Behavior guidelines in Iran

Reading a Lebanese blog, I thought that the same guidelines can be devised here for us in Iran.

Just consider that if you forget these, you may experience a bad headache and if you got any, don't feel dumb; just remember that the whole guideline is too complicated to be learned even for us who live in the country:

1- When the other side is a Hizbollahi:

May be before that, I have to explain how an Iranian hizbollahi looks. If it is a 'she', the job is so easy: she wears a black chador and you can get very instantly who she is and what might her beliefs be. But if it is a 'he', it can have two options:
a- the most distinguishable one is a middle aged man, usually a bit chubby, bearded, wearing grey costume (the whole grey spectrum), buttoning the shirt under up to the neck.
b- a young man who doesn't wear ordinary coat (if needed, he can wear an Ahmadi-nejad like coat), is bearded, puts his shirt over his pants.

You can shake hands and can kiss if you are from the same sex (yes men kiss the men here although they are NOT gay). If you ever touch the opposite sex of this brand, you would get into trouble. 'Trouble' can be just a sentence (the tone can be different, polite to irritated) like " Sorry, I don't shake hands!" to surprise cries of "oh, no!" or "What?!?" or so.

Beside shaking hands and kissing, it's preferable to avoid eye contact. Instead, you can look at your shoes or at the opposite wall. I'm not joking; it's seroius!

2- When the other side doesn't look Hizbollahi, BUT the place is in public:
You should avoid it too, if you are not dealing with the same sex. Just to put it into simple English words, I can say, although some people don't believe in strict religious principles (like avoiding shaking hands with the opposite sex), they have to behave as if they do. Don't forget that here we have an ideological system and those pictured beforehand, are in power. If not, this time they may get into trouble. 'Trouble' here means, having a bad name of being a bad Muslim or so. For those in high positions, this bad fame may result to more dangerous points like losing the job or so.

Notification: Sometimes you may miscalculate and the other side is shy to say that he/she is reluctant to shake hands, then the result would be like this: you would have a dead fish in your hands. If this happens it means: "Aha, you are hit; you shouldn't have shaken hands."

To avoid mess, I am offering you a trick a non-Iranian friend of mine suggests. He says when he is confused about shaking hands or avoiding it in Iran, he just stretches his hand cautiously 5-10 centimeters further, looking and checking the other side's reaction. If she seems welcoming and going to shake hands with him, he actually takes his hand further and shakes hands. If not, he just leaves the hand in the mid distance and takes it back and puts it on his chest as if he never intended to shake hands.

3- When the other side doesn't look Hizbollahi and the place is a safe place:
Safe places in Iran are usually homes. Then, just like what the people in other parts of the world do, depending on the kind of relationship, you may shake hands, kiss on the cheeks or lips, hug and even tap on shoulders. No matter if the other side is a 'she' or a 'he'.