Taboos- IV

Sex- I

I liked the term a Lebanese blogger has used to call our region the 'penis-centric-Middle East'. This short term rooms a world of meaning inside. Here, in our part of the world, the sex issues are profoundly devised, defined, interpreted and practiced based on the benefits, taste, interest, willingness and desires of the male creature. Like many other issues, women are overshadowed by the heavy shadow of the opposite sex- whether it is their father or their brother, the husbands or simply other men around.

We, people in orient have problems with our body- to tell you just in a short sentence. Since childhood, we are brought up to be and to act as much as conservative when it comes to relate to our bodies. And when you are a female creature this conservatism goes so deeply and so widely. Quite early we learn about the forbidden parts of the body which should never be showed to others. When sitting on the ground (the traditional style of furniture doesn't include table and chair), we are taught not to let our legs open wide. When the kid is girl she is taught to be careful not to show her underwear when bending. I remember in my teens, the girls in my class felt uneasy when their breast grew bigger. A couple of them tried to hide it as much as possible by humping their back- they evidently felt ashamed of the changes in their bodies.

Virginity, premarital sex

I was brought up in a relatively open minded family but still I remember as a girl kid I was warned not to jump and not to act wildly because I might hurt my hymn. If it was not my mother to teach me that, there were other people to take the duty.

Mingling with opposite sex is something so strictly forbidden here. There are millions of lessons, warnings and teachings telling us that it's so ridicules if we do that. The trend is changing these days in the society of course. The younger generation tries to cross the red lines as they do in many fields. In major cities a big number of them dare to touch or to sleep with their boy or girl friend and the figure is increasing tremendously. But still who dares to say it in public that he/she does it? That's a value in my society if you keep the virginity before the marriage. Can you imagine what a disaster it makes when the marriage age is getting higher and higher because of economic and social condition and you have no right to satisfy yourself? Now, the people want to have a major in university and many love to have their own job and property before marriage. So that's absolutely out of mind if you marry in your 20s as it was prevailed in older days. Guess what happens to girls and boys who marry in their 30s and deny this natural need in their lives just because of the stupid taboos? Well, I believe, despite our teachings to ignore this simple need, we are very focused on it. It is the forbidden fruit and of course many would have all their attentions to touch it and to taste it. It is the topic of millions of gossips and rumors, chats and conversations , jokes and satires and -these days- SMs.

The stories about the forbidden fruit are endless. From region to region, it varies but still that's the common trend to ignore it, to deny it, to cover it and to keep it secret beneath the thick layers of silence and ignorance.
In families, usually there is not any tradition of speaking and discussing openly about the issue. Even among my educated friends, I can't see many who let their children experience the sex when the proper age closes. To give you a picture, I would like to tell you a story:
We have a family friend; a couple, a daughter and a son. The children call me 'auntie'- I am close to them. The parents are really nice, educated and open minded. I always thought that premarital sex was something accepted in the family. We never had discussed about it but the daughter (who is 24 now) had told me before that her parents were accepting that she had a right to experience it. The odd came up when she went to educate abroad and found a chance to find a boy friend and live with him. When got back to home for a short holiday between the semesters, she told the family about it (it was her first time). Telling me the story, she continued laughingly: "Ah, auntie, you should have been there when I told that I lived with my boy friend. Both my parents' faces were frozen. They didn't say a word of blame of course. But I felt there was something very heavy hanging in the space."

Premarital sex is a taboo of course and virginity is a value on the contrary. Virginity is not something personal; everybody around should know about it. In some regions, the bride's family show the groom's family the evidence of virginity. Can you imagine how? I myself have witnessed such an absurd incident. After the wedding night (when 'that' is happened to the bride), the groom's family sit around a room and a representative from the bride's side comes with a blood stained cloth showing it to everybody present there. Well, in big cities, in upper classes, this kind of act is out of question of course. But in remote areas, in more religious places, in the regions when ignorance is so dominant over everything and everybody, this is repeated here and there. In those regions, the girls get killed when there are rumors about them having an affair with somebody. The only accepted way of relationship with opposite sex is marriage .When the reaction regarding this issue can be so harsh in those areas, still in big cities, losing the virginity is an unforgivable sin. In upper classes, the sin is recovered by spending some thousands on a repair surgery.